Men::Men are like fine wine, they start out as grapes, and it's your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.
Psychic::I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
Married Women::Why are married women heavier than single women?\nSingle women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge!
Get Your Coat::A husband said to his wife "Get your coat, it's time to go down to the pub". She replied "But you NEVER take me out". "I'm not, but I'm turning the heat off before I go."
Miss Right::I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Rings::Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Perfect Man::Can God ever make a perfect man?\nNo if he did, he'd have made a woman.
Homeless Dates::I'm going out with a homeless woman. It's great, after dates I can drop her off anywhere.
Understand::The Top 10 Things Men Understand About Women:\n1\n2\n3\n4\n5\n6\n7\n8\n9\n10
Encyclopedia::FOR SALE\n\nComplete set of Encyclopedias. $1000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Family Finances::A couple was discussing family finances. The husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "If it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Weekends::Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the 1st question I ask myself is: "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
A Fool::After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
Grouchy::Some mornings I wake up grouchy, and some mornings I just let her sleep.
Genie::A man meets a genie who tells him he can have whatever he wants provided his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment then says, "Give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
Antennas::Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married? The ceremony was long and boring, but the reception was great!
